From Self-Sufficiency to Surrender: My Journey to Jesus

You’re not the only woman who’s done everything “right” on paper and still feels a gentle ache for something more. You’re not weak for feeling tired of holding everything together. And you’re not broken because independence, success, or self-work hasn’t fully satisfied your soul.

I see you, because I was you.

Learning to Be Strong… and Alone

I was raised by a strong, loving single mother who worked 3 jobs to provide for me and my siblings. So from a young age, I learned an important lesson: be capable, be resilient, rely on yourself. And in many ways, that strength served me well.

But beneath that strength always lived something quieter...

A longing for protection, acceptance, and belonging. A longing I didn’t yet even know was possible for me.

I grew up as an atheist, never really thinking about God. Life was something to get through, manage, improve. And as I entered my twenties, I did what many of us do and I lived fully in the world. Drinking and partying every weekend, toxic relationships, focused on achieving more, getting more, being more, and chasing happiness wherever it seemed to present itself.

But something was always still missing.

Searching for “More” in All the Wrong Places

That longing eventually led me into egotistical spirituality. I was searching for peace, identity, grounding, some higher power, anything bigger than myself, without fully realising that’s what I was doing.

From the outside, my life looked calm and intentional. I moved to the countryside, slowed down, taught yoga and focused on “protecting my peace.”

I believed I was healing.

But slowly and quietly, I became isolated.

What I called peace was actually hiding.

What I called protection was actually withdrawal.

And despite all my efforts to feel whole, I found myself feeling more lost than ever.

When Identity Becomes a Burden

Yoga became more than something I practised and taught.

It became who I was.

My identity.

My comfort.

But deep down, it no longer brought peace.

Then, near the end of the year, something unexpected happened.

I felt an urge towards God that I'd never had before, and I decided to join a prayer group online. The woman leading this prayer group was so passionate and in love with Jesus it was hard to ignore.

And one day during prayer she mentioned, rooting your identity in Christ, and it was like a flashing light was going off in front of me.

Yoga had become my identity, its what I was known for, it's what I was good at. But something hadn't felt right for a long time, and I knew now it was God calling me to give it up.

For the first time, I saw clearly that I had built my sense of worth around what I could do, offer, and maintain. And while God never forced me or condemned me, I felt a gentle but persistent invitation to trust Him.

That surrender didn’t happen overnight.

It took time, prayer, wrestling, and honesty. But eventually, I realised something important:

What once comforted me no longer gave me peace.

And I wanted Jesus more than anything.

So I committed and bought my first Bible.

I didn’t understand everything. But I didn’t need to.

I began reading the Gospels, asking God for wisdom and understanding, and slowly everything just clicked.

Jesus wasn’t a distant figure or abstract idea.

He is real.

He is personal.

And He was calling me to Him.

I didn’t suddenly have my life together. I didn’t feel “ready.”

But the beautiful thing is that Jesus never asked for perfection.

He knows we can’t give Him that.

What He asks for is our faith, trust, love, and obedience.

From Isolation to Belonging

As my faith grew, I felt called out of isolation and into community, something that honestly scared me. Being seen felt vulnerable. Being known felt risky.

But when I walked into church for the first time and saw the words “Welcome Home” across the walls, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

For someone who had always felt like the outsider, it was Jesus gently reminding me: You are safe here.

Why I’m Sharing This

I didn’t wait until I had it all figured out to follow Jesus. None of us ever do.

I chose to follow Jesus not because I was perfect, but because He was. I trusted Him. Because I wanted to die to the striving, self-sufficiency, and fear, and live rooted in grace, truth, and obedience.

I’m sharing this because I know there are women reading this who feel alone in their questions, their quiet faith, their longing for something deeper.

You are not behind.

You are not forgotten.

And you are not too far gone.

Walking Forward Together

I’m still learning. Still growing. Still surrendering daily.

I’m learning how to balance working life with Kingdom calling.

How to live faithfully in a modern world.

How to embrace biblical womanhood with grace, wisdom, and truth.

And if you’re on that journey too, you don’t have to walk it alone.

Jesus walks beside us.

He goes before us.

And when we are tired, He even carries us.

If you feel far from Him today, open His Word. He’s closer than you think.

So many of us are walking this faith journey quietly. Loving Jesus deeply, yet longing for guidance, rhythm, and godly community.

I am quietly building a private membership space for women who want to grow in biblical womanhood with grace, truth, and practical support. Not perfection.

There’s no expectation to have it all figured out. Just a willingness to show up, learn, and grow together.

If that sounds like something your heart has been searching for, you are warmly invited to join us inside the Becoming Her Community HERE 🤍